Unforgettable Toilet Experiences

I love travelling. But that's one thing that I fear most, sometimes,especially when I travel to China- the toilets, those off the beatentracks.

Toilets in China come in many permutations. I've been to Yunan, Dali, Lijiang, Shangrila, Yangshou and Kunming and each toilet experience is a truly memorable one, in a good way or bad. Here are some of the "uniquely China" toilet experiences that I've encountered that remained etched in my memory bank.

1) Breathing Life - A Maggoty, Maggoty Experience, China

The "maggotful" toilets which looked seemingly harmless from the outside, but full of "life" with moving maggots...crawling by the thousands, and i really mean thousands.

Dali 2004
The toilet was a simple cement shack, with a nice new zinc roof. Looks new, should be safe, I thought to myself. One of my traveller mates decided not to take the risk, and went for the bush instead. I took up the challenge, and walked further in. The smell was overpowering."What the heck!", i thought..pressed my nose really tight..took a very, very deep breath, as if I was going down 30 metres below sea level and walked into the toilet. As I stepped into one ofthe "partitioned" cubicles, I knew that instant moment that it was a mistake.

Sights of human poo-poo were replaced with maggots, heaps and heaps of them. To look down or not to look down- Either was a tough choice. As I looked down, I saw the crawly worms happily feastingaway..moving and threatening to inch near....Okie, I decided, Don't look...but I panicked, fearing that one of the little crawly ones might climb onto my feet without me noticing it...The sight of the whole pool of white crawly worms remained in my mind, for the next few weeks. For the next whole week, i saw them every time I close my eyes. Till today, I can clearly remember the sight...scary..indeed.

Maggots Part II, Dali 2007
I was on a boat cruise in Dali. We stopped at a little fishing island, where old tribal villagers made a living by selling fishes, coral handicrafts and tea. Nothing can be worse than the maggotful toilet that I've encountered in China years ago, I thought. As usual, I took an ultra big breath and plucked my courage to go into the toilet. As I walked in, spiderwebs greeted my face. Shit, I thought to myself...this means that very few people use this toilet. I went into one of the cubicles..and I saw "them" again..from the corner of my eyes....There were so many...heaps and thousands....i didn't even dare look down. This time, I decided. "okie, look up...and I tried to admire the wonders that the spiders have done to ceiling and the prey they caught in their web. I pressed my nose real hard...and cpntinued to lookup as I focused on what I had to do.

Within a minute, I was done with my "small" business. I stepped outof the cubicle, and to my horror, there was several maggots which had also successfully crawled up the shithole, onto the floor of the cubicle, down the steps, onto the cement floor. I scrambled out of the toilet, and swore that this toilet has to be the worst I've seen in China. The mere thought of the toilet still sends shivers down my spine. literally!

2) King of Stink!
These toilets are tucked away in the dingy corners of the souvenir shops. They are always jammed-packed with tourists. You can trace the location of the toilet by the mere"aroma",so strong you can't miss even if you're a mile away. To go in, better play safe- always fold your pants up to your kneecap and axe-oil or tiger balm is a must- best if you have a super-blocked nose.

3) Open-Door Policy & Flush-Me-Not
Toilets in the rural part of China are without doors, sometimes even without partitions. Cubicles are segregated using bare tiled walls which stand at less than a metre high.You can catch a glimpse of the person in front of you in the next cubicle but I can assure that it would not be a pleasant sight..so don't bother. In short, trust my advice, Mind Your Own Business, literally..If you can, avoid doing your "big"business.most of these toilets come without a proper flush system, and worse, no water at all..if you do it, you have to bear your own consequences, put simply, Clear Your Own Shit..

4) Choose-Your-Own-Spot
I prefer this kind of "nature" toilets. In areas where there are no toilets, we have the freedom to do our business in any spot we prefer.Under the tree, behind the rock, behind the van, next to the desert bush, amongst the shrubs..at least these are clean and you have helped to fertilize the nature. I've done them all, and trust me they are good. one word of caution, just need to make sure that your friend is a good distance from you.

5) My most stressful pee experience, Shangrila 2004
We were sitting in a small pick-up van on our way to Shangrila, on a windy mountain road. One of the ladies called the bus to a halt- nature's call. All of us got down the bus. The driver told us to go to the two sides of the road,and find our own spots. We tried to walk down the pebbled ground but the gravel made the ground slippery and impossible to walk. Our drivers and our photographer were happily smoking away at the front rear of the car. "Heck lah, let's pee at the back of the van.., no one will know.", one of my travelmates suggested. The rest agreed, and followed soon. I hesitated. Before I could pluck enough courage to do so, the rest of the ladies had completed their "business".

We still had about 3-5 hours on the road. "Okie lah,no choice, I think I better do it before my face turns green." My friend, Christine said,"Just do it and I will "jiaga" foryou."I went behind the small van and tried to relieve myself. For 5 seconds, my muscles remained tensed and contracted. Another 3 seconds, still tensed. I gave up and pulled up my pants, "Shit lah, can't do it. It's just too stressful squatting in the middle of the highway with no "shelter".

Less than as second later, I saw a huge tractor coming our way. "Heng ah, lucky I gave up," otherwise the tractor driver would have get a full view of me peeing away if I had persisted. It was a narrow shave, and the most stressful experience incident I've ever experienced.

6) Tibet Pee Experience- Peeing in the Carpark with Raining Hailstones..
My good 0ld travel mate, whose name shall remain anoynomous, A* had an interesting pee experience when we travelled to Tibet in 2005. We had to spend a night in Shigaze before we reach Lhasa. Both of us suffered from high altitude sickness, hers a lot worse than mine. The toilet was about 150 metres away, a simple cement shack.

A* was lying on bed and in the middle of the night, she exclaimed, "I really need to go and pee. how?how?". Her throbbing headache caused by the high altitude sickness, and the rain outside, made the 150 metres impossible to walk.

"Aiyah, just pee outside where the cars are parked, it's so late already, nobody will see you," I advised. A*hesitated, tried to endure for another 10-15minutes, muttering to herself, nonstop about her bursting bladder andher persistent headache, before she "buay tahan" and charged towards the door.

Five minutes later, she came back, wet, cursing and swearing about the hailstones that were pelting onto her head as she was concentrating on her "business", "Wah lao, already so difficult to pee there, then some more got stones raining down from the sky." I was lying on the bed listening to the unusual pee experience by my exasperated friend. Finally there was peace in the room as we nestled back into our beds, trying to forget our spinning heads to get a little weeny bit of sleep.

7) A Near-ghost Experience in Nepal
After a day of trekking along the Jomson trek, we checked into one of the guest house. The guesthouse was interesting decorated. The dimly lit corridor walkway had a plush carpet from one end to to other, and looked somewhat haunting. Our room was at the opposite end of thetoilet.My roommate A* wanted to go to the washroom, but was afraid ofthe dark. "Please lah, please lah, go with me to the toilet," she begged. I was lazy and refused, "Just bring your torchlight lah." A*started hopping and jumping up and down the room, in her usual exaggerated self, threatening to pee in the room if I didn't accede toher request.I compromised and agreed to wait for her to the middle ofthe walkway.

"Don't go okie, wait for me here.," she quivered, and left her torch shining my direction, casting a ghostly shadow of me. I waited for about a while, before one "angmo" traveller came up from the stairway. He seemed to be a little shocked by this "ghostly figure"with long hair standing near the stairway. He paused for a while, before he asked, " What are you doing here, in the middle of the night?" Bemused, I replied, "Don't worry, I'm not a ghost. I'm just waiting for my friend who's using the washroom coz she's afraid of the dark."

7) A Ghostly Toilet Experience in Switzerland
Accomondation in Switzerland is very expensive and being backpackers, we went for the cheapest hotel in Luzern, a small hotel up at the hilltop. The room was spacious, there was a big king-size bed and two small beds near the television. The toilet was just right outside the room. Both of us fought over who would get to sleep on the big king-size bed.I went to the toilet to shower. I had an uneasy feeling somehow, as if someone was looking at me. The hot air from the hot shower turned the mirror foggy. I had to wash my face in "parts", making sure that at least my eyes were not closed at any one time.

There was a persistent "knock, knock, knock" on my toilet door . That impatient A*again, i thought. I came out of the shower room, queried her three times. She said, she didn't. A*asked me to accompany her to the washroom. I didn't. She had a super quick shower, ran back to the room with her bare towel. There was a spooky feel in the room, but none of us spoke about it at night.

The television was left on, with a free channel showing excerpts of sex services and pornography throughout the night, to create some "sound effects" for the the hauntingly quiet room. Both of us slept in the two small side beds next to the television. The big king size bed was left untouched.

We discussed about the strange feeling the next day after we left the guesthouse. Like me, Arlina washed her face, "in parts", with her eyes open.